“Is it better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all?” This paraphrase of Tennyson’s quote has been used for over a century and allowed for people to contemplate if love is a worth-while, risk-taking factor. If you’ve ever been in a relationship or even developed feelings for someone you have experienced a form of love. It’s even ok to factor in a love for a family member. Now “love” has some serious effects that tend to alter the way we think, act, and decide much of our future. But at such a high risk with your future being on the line, is a relationship worth sacrificing your entire life for someone’s love? How can we know if we’re a good candidate for a relationship? Is there even such a thing? Or maybe there is.
First I’d like to entertain those who have yet to really experience the depth of this matter and haven’t dabbled in the waters, to get a taste of its effects. Relationships are a way of expression that humans are notoriously known for. We, as social creatures, love to be loved and like when people know so. We also have a tendency to be wanted and accepted in society and tend to cling to comfort, so when we see that there is an opportunity to be loved, we usually accept the invitation. If you have been single for most of your life consider yourself lucky. That’s right, I said lucky. I believe that relationships are chaotic, dramatic, and over exaggerated concept in life. Why do we force ourselves upon others when we see something we like and are so quick to change our lifestyle so quickly and abruptly? To go from single to a companion is an enormous change on perspective. Things can no longer relate to just you anymore.
Let’s take several perspectives on this concept. Consider a financial standpoint. With a lot of Americans today owing money to private sectors because of loans, school allowances, and other debts like credit cards, we are already a financial burden on society. Now when we get into a relationship, we tend to spend an over exaggerated amount of time and effort into that someone. We also like to prioritize our life around that person and will devote money to them, for gifts, dinners, etc., that could be spent elsewhere to better help your own financial status. What about if he or she is the one for you? Well, when you get married, that debt doesn’t go anywhere. As a matter of fact, you’ll probably be inheriting your spouse’s debt as well, leaving you double the debts you had before and now you are responsible for two people. Not only do I consider this an unfair burden to both you and your spouse, but it is also an unnecessary one, which can be easily avoided.
Another perspective I want to take is that of a family’s perspective. Have you ever heard the saying, “Blood is thicker than water?” This quote is meant to show that family ties and relations are much more strongly bonded than those of any other. From the time you were born to the time you decide to move out, your family has always been an influential factor, to help provide you with the most effective advice and most encouraging love. Families are forced to tolerate you; therefore they’ve grown a certain type of love that is unmatched because in spite of all your flaws and mistakes, they are still a supporting factor day in and day out. In a relationship, you meet someone and grow to develop strong feelings for them and choose to care about their well-being. After all, this is someone you want to love you too for the rest of your life or at least some form of that intent, right? Well your counterpart has no obligation to have feelings for you and no bond to force them to stay with you. Yeah, marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond, but as the United States’ divorce rate continues to grow, why would you even chance this sort of thing. Because your spouse is not forced to love you, they will always have the option to stop loving you, even so to the point where they stop talking to you altogether. Great excuses that come to mind are: “It’s not you, it’s me,” or “I choose to love you in spite of your flaws,” or “I need some me time.” There is a central meaning behind all of these saying “Hey, I’m beginning to grow tired of you so I’m going to be pursuing my future without you,” and in the blink of an eye that relationship is over with, sometimes without closure or even peace of mind.
My final perspective that I would like to entertain is that of a more physical atmosphere. Ever hear of domestic violence? Not everyone who gets into a relationship is Mr. or Ms. Joe Cool. People have tempers, anger management problems, outside influences, and many other issues that tend to let get in their way easily. Let’s take a previous example that has been quite popular, the Chris Brown and Rihanna incident. Chris Brown and Rihanna were driving together one night when an argument broke out. Speculation said it was because Rihanna had found Chris texting another woman. Others say it was because Rihanna gave Chris a sexually transmitted disease, but whatever the real reason was, there was a dispute anyway. When there dispute was over, Rihanna had had easily visible signs of physical abuse throughout her face and although Chris Brown didn’t have anywhere near the amount of damage done to him, I’m pretty sure he suffered from physical and even emotional abuse, as well a Rihanna. Weren’t these two celebrities madly in love with each other? Well, apparently they were mad about something which led to a domestic dispute that became too hot to handle for either one of them. Because they were so emotionally bonded there was a need to express their meaning in a special way that would show their feelings about the matter to someone they’ve learned to have strong feelings about, which led to the domestic dispute.
Now, I don’t wish to sound like the bearer of bad news or someone who is just bitter about relationships. I’ve had my fair share of experiences, some good some bad. Being single also has its advantages and disadvantages. When you remain single you tend to have more freedom in your everyday activities, your options are more open to what you wish to do. Focus is more easily distributed on family matters and availability for visitation is much more open as well. Financially you have more of a say so about your budget and also choose what you wish to invest your money in and how. However, the bachelor’s lifestyle has its disadvantages. Most visibly is the fact that you are alone, there is no one there to own that comforting spot. Another is love, where there is no bond between you and a significant other, there is no normal conceivable way to continue your blood line. Your income is also limited to a single salary. I think the main factor that is a disadvantage to being single is the absence of love. Love is a unique feeling of emotion that is wild and dangerous! It caused people to do drastic and crazy acts to please their loved one, which makes it all the more dangerous. However, this feeling has also created many happy memories for many people and has allowed us to build families and not just an overpopulated reproduction system. Love is a risky chance taking scheme that isn’t meant for everyone, but for those who are truly daring to try so.
The single life is meant for those who are still wanting or needing to focus more on their own personal needs and ways. It is meant to develop a person’s character to prepare themselves when opportunities arise. Relationships aren’t for everyone, and for those who have doubts, know that it is okay to be patient. If we all took time to think and made logical reasoning a main priority, rather than base our actions off of pure emotion then maybe there wouldn’t be so many issues with relationships.
“Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved before?” The right answer to happiness is, “To each his own.”
Works Cited
Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem. Memoriam: 27 . 1850. Nov. 11, 2010. http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/62650.html
Toppo, Greg. “Chris Brown-Rihanna incident could be 'teachable moment'.” USA Today. March 9, 2009.
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